The Borowitz Report: "Boehner: More Americans Should Be Homeless"
"Boehner: Heartwarming Story of Radio Guy Shows
Why More Americans Should Be Homeless"
- Andy Borowitz
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - "The heartwarming story of Ted Williams, the homeless man whose golden voice has earned him multiple job offers, has inspired many American, including Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH). "What Ted Williams proves, once and for all," said Rep. Boehner, choking back tears, "is why more Americans need to be homeless."
Explaining his remark, Rep. Boehner said, "Homeless people are out there on the street, where the jobs are - not miles away from the jobs, cooped up in some dumb old house." The Speaker of the House said that it was the mission of congressional Republicans "to make sure each and every American has the God-given opportunity to be homeless." Wiping away more tears, he added, "If we can maintain the current pace of foreclosures or even increase it, the American Dream of homelessness for all will be very much within reach."
Meanwhile, the golden-voiced Mr. Williams revealed that he had turned down an offer from CNN: "I already know what it's like to be invisible to people."
Explaining his remark, Rep. Boehner said, "Homeless people are out there on the street, where the jobs are - not miles away from the jobs, cooped up in some dumb old house." The Speaker of the House said that it was the mission of congressional Republicans "to make sure each and every American has the God-given opportunity to be homeless." Wiping away more tears, he added, "If we can maintain the current pace of foreclosures or even increase it, the American Dream of homelessness for all will be very much within reach."
Meanwhile, the golden-voiced Mr. Williams revealed that he had turned down an offer from CNN: "I already know what it's like to be invisible to people."
- http://www.huffingtonpost.com/
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"If you'll pardon me for being serious for a moment, here's my idea of a heartwarming story: A homeless man with no special talent gets our compassion anyway. The Ted Williams story is, of course, riveting and hopeful. But the nation's fascination with it has nothing to do with our capacity for empathy and everything to do with our addiction to instant celebrity.
The coverage has also been shockingly patronizing. People have been amazed to learn that a homeless man might have an unusual ability, just as they were dumbfounded that an unattractive woman, Susan Boyle, did. There's also been widespread surprise that Mr. Williams had a successful career and a family (!). I would love it if Mr. Williams' story led to an increase in compassion towards the homeless -- even the ones without viral YouTube videos. That would really be heartwarming."
The coverage has also been shockingly patronizing. People have been amazed to learn that a homeless man might have an unusual ability, just as they were dumbfounded that an unattractive woman, Susan Boyle, did. There's also been widespread surprise that Mr. Williams had a successful career and a family (!). I would love it if Mr. Williams' story led to an increase in compassion towards the homeless -- even the ones without viral YouTube videos. That would really be heartwarming."
- Andy Borowitz
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